Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Baby Momma

“Baby mama" is a phrase that not one woman aspires to be; well...maybe if their "baby daddy" is pulling in figures large enough to send all the kids in Carver Projects to college. Other than that this phrase has grown and turned into nothing but a negative. No woman wants to be referred to as such and men use it in a context of damnation to a woman. But at the age of 25 I've found myself as Exhibit A of this profound title. I am a proud single mother of a beautiful 1 year old baby girl. I never thought I would be stigmatized as a baby mama; I just KNEW I was going to fall in love and be married to my child's father and now we barely speak on a daily basis. These are terms I've come to deal with and be okay; I'm a baby mama.

Now don't think I'm going to blast my Fantasia and stand on my soap box wagging my finger protesting my joy in it; I don't like being a baby mama. Why wouldn't I want to be with the father of my child and be in love? But life isn't written to what you want. So now I fall under the "bm" category...and I ask myself, “is it so bad?” To society it is; on Jerry and Maury we're displayed as loud, sassy, and promiscuous. Um excuse me, I know who my daughters father is, where he lives, and his social security number (in case he decides to get cute one day). Being a “baby mama” has introduced me to a new strength and love I never knew I was capable of. The ability to give so much of myself is something that I’m awe of everyday. I’m sure the same strength would have come to me if I were with her father but being single makes me aware of much more. I’ve grown to be very proud of myself of the way my daughter is growing and I know a big part of that is because of me.

The phrase that started out as a simple statement to describe a woman actually being the mother of a baby has grown to be ugly. All the negative connotations associated with this phrase, is bullsh#%!. It takes the positive away from all the sweat, love, and tired nights we put into raising our kids. I'm tired of looking on these social networks seeing men badgering the women they laid down with as "this hateful bi#%!" or "I can't stand this bi#%!; I'm sure she can't stand you either.

There needs to be a place of respect and mutual understanding. We're parents, not lovers. The only thing that needs to be demanded and granted is respect (and child support if it gets ugly). Be the father you want your sons to be and the men you want you daughters to marry.

 By Ashley Fludd

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