Sunday, February 19, 2012

Single and Childless

After a talk with a few of my unmarried childless friends, I noticed we all have the same frustration. Why do we go unnoticed and get no recognition. No special holidays or greeting cards to celebrate us. It's constantly assumed that our lives are easy and without care. That single childless women live day to day with no plans or responsibilities because we only take care of ourselves. This is untrue and definitely not fair to us. While reading an article on" I came across this and cringed "...if she says she would prefer to concentrate on her career and that a child would only get in the way of it, then my head might acknowledge her right to do so. But my heart whispers: 'Lady, you're weird." Really? Am I weird because I decided to put procreation on hold to do what I want to with my own life? I don't think I'm weird but I constantly get flashed with societies ideals which tells me I am probably damaged goods.

There's nothing wrong with me,  I’m beautiful inside and out, I've come to accept most of my imperfections and for the most part even people who don’t like me, still have love and respect for me and how I handle myself. Yet, I still get the puzzled look when I say I’m single. It is a choice, I will not share a chunk of my life with someone I don't see a future with, and I have done a good job, and still try my hardest to prevent having  a child because i'm selfless enough to know that my life isn't ready for such a great change. Yes, my life is fun, and I can come and go as I please. I am grateful that my actions and life choices have no affect on a childs life. There's freedom in that, and I love it.

This scene from Sex and the City explains the single women's plight, with a little comic spin too. Sarah Jessica Parker's character, Carrie, shows in this scene the way people perceive the lives of single childless woman. Like something less than those of married woman or moms.

So, for right now I’m good with my singledom, I’m ok with being a bachelorette and only thinking about myself and only caring about my needs. So, much of being a woman is identified with giving that we are frowned upon when we tap into only pleasing ourselves. Yes, I am still a nurturer, but don't fault me because right now I am the only nurturing me.

By Naima Muhammad

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