Tuesday, September 18, 2012

You Can’t Touch This…But You Can Date it....Says the Virgin

Yes, virgins do date. They go out to movies, out to dinner, take long walks through the park or on the beach, attend gallery openings or exhibitions, and all the other things that consists of a date. Some of them even kiss on the first date. Now, I’m sure some people still can’t wrap their heads around virgins actually dating, and sadly, I understand why. Their minds immediately go to, what happens when their date wants to invite them in, or when they invite their date in. In this day and age, when a date ends with ‘Would you like to come in?’, that means prepare yourself for some nookie and the possible walk of shame. However, in a virgin’s case, the walk wouldn't be shameful because there was no nookie.

Majority of daters today are sexually active. Some have rules as to how long they will wait until they sleep with their date, some give it up the first night, and others it just didn’t work out. When dating a virgin, it’s different. Some virgins are looking to give it up, eventually, and others are waiting until marriage. It doesn’t make a difference which type of virgin they are, THEY ARE STILL DATEABLE. Just because sex may not or isn’t an option, doesn’t mean dating is out of the question. Many people associate “dating” with “sex”. There was a time when that wasn’t so. Don’t believe me, just ask your grandparents. When people became more outspoken about sex, the dating game changed. Now it’s more common for daters to be concerned about when and will they be getting any.

As a virgin (yes, I’m actually a virgin), my main concern is my date’s reaction to my virginity. Will they be pissed? Will they laugh? Will they make a big deal about it? Will they reject me? Will they end the date? And so on, and so on. It is most definitely NOT easy dating as a virgin. Not only having to be concerned with the no sex factor, it’s the third degree questioning that usually follows. All the why and why not questions are a DRAIN. How do you think people dated before? Sex wasn’t necessarily the first thing on their mind. Back in the day, people were actually concerned with getting to know a person, rather than bedding them. Isn’t that the point of dating? Getting to know someone and spending time with them because you like them?

In my minimal dating time, the majority of the people I’ve encountered didn’t work out because I wasn’t giving it up. Never mind the fact that we got along, had similar interests, was able to hold a conversation, and even tell a few jokes, but when it came down to sex, the buck indeed stopped. Everything went right out the window, the joking, the laughing, the fact that we got along; everything. I’m often asked what is wrong with me and what my problem is. Well, there’s nothing wrong and it is not a problem if someone isn’t having sex. The lack of understanding and respect for that choice is the problem and what’s wrong.

There are virgins that haven’t had to deal with such negative responses that I have. They’ve gone on dates and now have healthy relationships, even without sex. There are some trying their hand at the dating game and have yet to give up the goods. I consider them the lucky ones and wish them an abundance of happiness. What I would give to be in their shoes? Obviously, it will not be my virginity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-dating or think I’m only going to have negative encounters. I know it’ll get better; I just have to continue to weed through the undesirables. I’m dateable, so bring it on! ;-)

Wish me luck!

By T Renée Laster @HolliWoode

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