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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Chivalry Killers

There was a time when men always opened doors, pulled out your chair and courted women in a respectful way. They wanted to win our affection and woo us in ways that seem way more romantic and sensual. Although we all know what the main goal was, they made it special, and it meant something. Then a shift happened and what women demanded from men changed, and this lead to the slow death of chivalry. 

It's a shame that these days a man putting on my coat or opening the car door is foreign to me. I hadn't realized it until a man I was dating did just that. It was a casual date just us at a bar talking, and when we were getting ready to leave he picked up my coat and helped me put it on. Another man at the bar yells "Now that's a man, you marry him right there" we smiled and then left. Obviously this guy wasn't marriage material because we no longer date, but this small gesture made him stand out; made him seem like he was something special. That's when I knew chivalry had died in me a long time ago because I never made it a requirement. I, a woman had killed chivalry. 

My independence and pro woman attitude has always made me look down on this behavior. "I can open my own door, and pull out my own chair.” I do it all the time so what's  the difference now?" I'm equal to a man, and we can do the same things, and to prove I wasn't less then I omitting these behaviors. I'm sure my loath for flowers and romance was subconsciously created because I wanted to omit anything girly. So I, like many women didn't require this in my suitors. Men court women based on the standard we set, so if the standard is low, they’re going to aim low. It is this reason that I don’t blame men for the death of chivalry. I blame myself and many women like me who looked down, or just give into a man advances so easily no effort is put forth in courting you.

It's not until now, that I get more comfortable with my role as a woman that I realize yes I'm equal to a man, but I'm also different. Equal pay yes, equal rights yes, but our roles as women and men are and will continuously be different. It took me a while to realize that yes I am a modern women and it’s okay to still require old fashion courting. It isn't setting me back at all. So from now on when a man asks me about the qualities I seek in my partner. A man who is chivalric and romantic has been added to the list with permanent ink. 

By Naima "Queen" Muhammad @TheQueenSpeaks_   



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