Saturday, July 20, 2013

The Curse of Nice

I'm beyond tired of men, who feel I must be nice to them to help soothed their ego. If I don't want to talk to you, smile at you or say thank you to your compliments as I walk down the street. I DON'T HAVE TOO!! It doesn't mean I'm bitter, single or salty. It just means I'm exercising my right of choice; don't get mad when the choice is not to feed into your advances!! 

This rant came about after a male whom I don't know personally tried to start a conversation with me in my Facebook inbox. He has on numerous occasions, and usually I'm just polite, say hello back and move on. Today was different; I didn't want to be polite or nice because my niceness obviously wasn't setting a boundary I wanted to put forward which was basically "leave me the hell alone!" When I said just that, he of course said I was "mean and being un-lady like" was I really? Because I wasn't nice to someone I clearly wasn't interested in having a conversation with, I’m not a lady?

I'm a woman who respects all people and being polite and courteous is generally how I am. Yet, there are times when I feel that as a woman I am expected to be that way all the time and to everyone. I live on planet earth like everyone else, so we all know this is impossible. How can  women  create defined boundaries that we don't want men to cross if we are going around being "nice" "courteous" and "polite" to all men? I myself have been conditioned to even smile and thank men for annoying compliments simply because I didn't want to get hurt. That's sad and ridiculous. If I feel uncomfortable with the way a man is flirting with me, then that line has crossed from flirting into harassment very quickly, and you have every right to nip that in the bud quickly. As women, we have to be the authority in what behavior is appropriate and which is inappropriate, this includes speech as well. Never be nice to inappropriate behavior cause that just reinforces it, and if they call you mean, say you're un-lady like or call you a bitch, this lets you know his efforts to get close to you weren't genuine. They wouldn't need your acknowledgment for reassurance otherwise. 

So, I've decided to only be nice when I actually feel like I want to be. To be polite, but also halt any behavior that makes me feel uncomfortable or disrespected, and only reciprocate courtesy that’s giving to me. Respect is something earned not given, and I have no problem going around earning the respect I deserve from every person I meet here on out.

By Naima "Queen" Muhammad Twitter @TheQueenSpeaks_

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