Thursday, August 29, 2013

To Snoop Or Not To Snoop?

I hear the stories all the time, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me after I went through his phone, checked his email or even after  I saw a few comments from the same woman on his Facebook profile. Am I guilty of snooping, yeah, am I proud, no, but am I happy with my result? At this point in time, no. My reason for not being proud is what I would do with the information. I would argue, and fight with my ex fiance, yet still remain in the relationship with him. Dumb and in love with him more than I loved myself was the real problem. I was in my early 20's so this is before text messaging was as common as it is now. I knew the password to his voice mail and would check them daily. To the point where if I call someone with a sprint cell phone carrier and I hear the woman on the voice mail say "you have reached the voice mail box of......" I still, to this very day cringe a little with disgust. I used to go to his house (before we lived together) and clean his house thoroughly, of course he thought I was being a good girlfriend, NOPE, I was just snooping in disguise. Most times I didn't find anything, but the times I did find evidence of cheating I would explode. We would argue, fight physically (me hitting him, the most he's done is refrain me from hitting him) then I'd go into deep depression, wonder why I wasn't woman enough for him to not cheat on, or he'd buy me back if I did leave him, with a gifts and apologies.

If I could do it all again I wouldn't snoop, because I feel all I was doing was torturing myself. I became a crazy woman, going through pockets when I did the laundry, and mostly to find his dirt, not actual dirt. When I look back I realize there were many signs that I ignored without snooping and I wasn't listening to them. Like the time I found a full outfit in the back seat of his car. This man (and I use that term loosely) used to leave the house in a t-shirt,sweat pants and Nike slippers and say he's going up the block to chill with his friends, but would change his whole outfit in the back of his truck, and take someone out on a date. Or when anytime I went to a club or stayed out late 
I would come home and he wouldn't be there. Why am I finding complete outfits in the back seat of his car almost bi-weekly? Where is he spending the night if I’m getting home 6 am and he’s not there? All huge signs that I paid no attention to because I was too busy looking for evidence being the girlfriend FBI. The proof was in my face within his actions.

Another reason I'm not into snooping anymore is because it violates trust. If you have to go through their phone, emails or Instagram stalk them daily, then there's already an issue of trust in your relationship you need to explore. It 
was when I was in my exes closet sitting on the floor looking inside his sneakers, I knew our relationship was crumbling, and I had become a full on crazy lady. Yes, I really thought in my insane confused rage I would find evidence of him cheating in his sneakers! As I snooped more he found more inventive ways to hide things. Instead of us addressing the real issue which was trust, and whether him and I were actually ready for marriage, I snooped and, he hid things. Maybe I was looking for my dignity, or even my sanity. Who knows, but I'm glad that part of my life is over, and snooping is in the past. So presently whenever a friend asks me if she should snoop, I always say no for these reasons.

  • Are you prepared to face whatever you find and deal with it logically, NOT emotionally?
  • How would you feel if your partner went through your things?
  • What is giving you this feeling that you need to snoop, why not follow that feeling and ask what's going on?

Whether you find something incriminating or not, know that you yourself have broken one of the fundamentals of a good romantic relationship. Are you okay with that?

By Queen 

Twitter/Insatgram @thequeenspeaks_

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