Friday, November 1, 2013
I have talked about sex many times since the start of Ms. Vixen, from the power in women carrying their own condoms, and how ownership of your safe sex life is your responsibility, not a man's. How sexual freedom is a great thing and don't let labels such as hoe and slut lock you into a sexual repression where you keep all your fantasies locked away in a box because the world tells you that is not what women do. Knowing your body, knowing what you like, and don't like for sexual gratification is a must. Most women don't even experience orgasms because we leave it all up to a man, and don’t know there are things we can do ourselves during sex to make you reach an orgasm. Sex is a beautiful freedom that everyone should experience.
I remember once, a male friend of mine telling me what he liked about sex, which was, sex was the only time he felt it was appropriate to be disrespectful to his woman and she actually like it. I would assume some women would flinch at that last sentence, but I nodded my head in agreement because that was the only time I enjoyed a man treating me in a not so lady like manner, slaps, spit, choking and name calling is okay during sex, but once we orgasm and are done, you better treat me with all the respect I deserve. This view of sex has never been problematic for me until I started exploring this thing called feminism.
The word feminist was one I always avoided labeling myself, because the propaganda surrounding it was always unsettling to me. It was always presented to me as the, she woman man hating club, that wanted to do everything men did, and shunned porn, strippers and anything where a woman exhibited sexual freedom as misguided sexual oppression. Well, I am definitely a complete contrast of all those qualities. I love men, and I don't want to do everything a man does. I'm a proud woman, love everything about being one, my breast, my nurturing nature, the complexity of my thinking, and I can incubate a life, push a nine pound baby out my vagina, then months later snap that vagina back into shape, and get right back to business! That makes me want to put in my will and testament that I must be reincarnated once again into a woman, or I will haunt my lawyers’ bloodline for all of eternity. My woman plate is beautifully full and don't mind the differences men and I have, I actually embrace them. Our contrast are what I think make man and woman a great team. Then, there is sex, I'm a very sexually liberated woman who loves everything about love making, I know my body, know it's power and very rarely has my sexuality and sexual prowess made me feel oppressed, misguided or degraded. So, how do I resolve these two worlds meeting? My pro woman values, but also, a sex life that many feminist would align with rape like behavior, or degrading. Can I still call myself a feminist?
First I had to examine in what way I classify myself as a feminist. This took time; for the most part I strayed away from that word. Yes, I want the same rights as men, and yes gender equality is ideal. The feminist of our past fought for our right to vote, the right for women to work in non traditional workplaces, and to be equated to a man in all aspects of rights and the law. For women to enter the workplace, and not just be subservient to men. Although I am appreciative and grateful for these feats I do not have the same vision as those women as to what feminism represents presently for me. I see feminism as simply fighting for a women's right to choice, and for me it doesn't have much to do with me always addressing male oppression. I think as a woman I should be able to make my own life choices, be it to be the first woman president, a stay-at-home mother or even a stripper, that right to choose your mark on this planet as a woman, is solely that of a woman. This right of freedom of choice is the real issue for me when it comes to the importance of the feminist movement in my life.
Shouldn't I be able to choose what in fact is degrading to me? I see nothing degrading about the submissive role I like to have during sex. For a man to call me names, slap and even spit on me. I don't find it disrespectful because these are things that I in fact like and I would like my partner to partake in. I, an empowered woman have made a choice, this is the role I would like to play when it comes to sex. Many may assume that I get these ideas from this patriarch society where I'm forced feed being submissive to a man. Far from true, I come from a family where my mom was more the head of the household; my father mostly sat in the background. In my family it was mostly the woman that lead. So I'm very dominating, out going and typically aggressive in every other aspect of my life. Sex is where I want to let go, be free, and allow someone else to lead me into a trail of pleasure. Also it was through sex that I realize I like to please my partner. Through pleasing my partner sexually, I, in-turn am pleasing myself. So though I'm being submissive in the sex acts, within this choice that I have made to give away my power; let my male partner lead, and control our sex, I have also made a conscious decision to gain my sexual gratification exactly how I want it. If me knowing exactly what I need a man to do for me to reach sexual peaks both outwardly and inwardly isn't the greatest form of feminism any woman could ever reach? If not, I want no parts of it.
I have chosen a route that has worked a lot for me in figuring out how I can let these two important parts of me coincide, and that is to leave them be. Me being pro woman shouldn't leave a dark cloud and make me doubt the way I conduct my sex life, and neither should the latter. Why do I even need these things to battle each other? These are things that have consciously co existed next to each-other inside of me for years. Why make them combat each other now? So I'm writing this to say, I'm a feminist who loves to be "sexually degraded", and I want to show it's possible and perfectly fine." It is my choice, and that alone echoes my woman power, my feminist orgasm.
By Queen Twitter/Instgram @TheQueenSpeaks_