It was with him that I learned, love isn't draining or exhausting, it’s fulfilling and awakens you. Love is great and I should love someone unafraid, and wholesomely but never will I let the love I have for someone else continually make me question the love I have for myself. When we finally parted ways permanently, he told me to get over myself, as if I had no right to be angry that he hurt me. No ownership in his actions, because in his mind, I thought way to highly of myself and once again needed to be knocked down. I was so angry with that response I threw my phone, then thought to myself, I will never get over myself, I am head over heels in love with me, and will always be. That’s what he always knew about me and wanted to die. He hated that I loved me, because he didn't love himself.
I write about many of my life experiences because it helps me heal. It also helps me show other people they aren't going through these situations alone. So, although I've never been in a physically abusive relationship, I fully understand the mental constraints that come with being abused. The battles in your mind, wondering why you aren't good enough, and why you don't measure up to their level of wants. As cliche as it sounds, its them, not you. The second I realized that completely, I was able to walk away, and save myself from his mental torture. So even though I fell in love with a man who hated me, I loved myself enough to keep that chapter of my life in the past tense when he decided to leave.
Header art work by Creative Stasis of ArtByCreativeStasis.com