I have learned through my many relationships; romantic, friendship and family, loving tough only stifles it's growth. In order for things to grow healthy you must allow it to receive the proper nurturing, I failed many times at nurturing things. Set limits because maybe parts of me didn't feel I deserve them, I know different now. Now I always speak my mind, I don't ignore things or people as punishment. I practice positive reinforcement when it comes to good behavior, It's what I want the most, so why not feed that energy. I work everyday at letting people in my company know that I am open to love, and not as closed off as I typically make myself appear.
When it comes to love and romance I'm not at all jaded, I've had great experiences, and some bad ones, none detrimental enough to make me not believe in love. Even though I am far from being in love with a man whom I'll call my forever I've been pretty fortunate. Sometimes I listen to the bad experiences other women have had with men and it's so foreign to me that I feel fortunate. Grateful to have never been abused emotionally or physically. I've been heart broken, but haven't felt completely drained or defeated, thankfully.
Love and friendships, I've never felt this much love from a groups of friends as I do right now. Friendships of my past, I assumed not having trust was normal. Jealousy and envy where normal occurrences and I would wait for people to hurt me in order to address things. I honestly thought waiting for a friend to eventually, stab me in the back was normal. Mistrust and cutting people off like diseased appendages was something I just did. Never trying to solve issues just always walking away, and picking up broken pieces alone. Now more then ever I get it when my mom used to say "your friends change as your interest in life change". My interest have definitely grown and changed.
Love has humbled me, and has shown me my ego is nothing. It was my ego that kept bad people around. I assume that my greatness would change people, and if it didn't, the power of my greatness would make people not harm me, because they should know better. It wasn't until a few years ago that I learned, people are who they are regardless of how nice, mean, pleasant or evil I am to them. They are who they are and I should believe them, when they show me. Also if who they are battles with me, and the love I have for myself let them go.
I don't have to love hard, I can open up and nurture healthy love. I am the gate keeper, and I decide who I let in or out. So for now on I will love unafraid, but only to those who love me the same way.
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