Tuesday, August 5, 2014

My Love Evolution

We generally become the people we are based on who taught us how to love. I notice how I used to love people, highly critical, only poking fun and pointing out wrongs, and not really celebrating good. No focus on the nurturing aspect of love and what it creates, I like many assumed tough love brings out the best in people. It challenges them and makes them work harder. This is how I was taught to love, not highly encouraging, but highly expectant. My standards and requirements of people always have been held very high, but I do very little to encourage behavior close to what I expect. I notice with past loves, I ignore, rather than express how I feel. I don't ignore to forget, I ignore people to punish them. I find it much easier to state what I don't like, say what annoys me and to not be affectionate because I don't have to worry about rejection. I'm very hard on people who I love, because I always thought in order to be loved correctly I have to be tough, firm and rigid.

I have learned through  my many relationships; romantic, friendship and family, loving tough only stifles it's growth. In order for things to grow healthy you must allow it to receive the proper nurturing, I failed many times at nurturing things. Set limits because maybe parts of me didn't feel I deserve them, I know different now. Now I always speak my mind, I don't ignore things or people as punishment. I practice positive reinforcement when it comes to good behavior, It's what I want the most, so why not feed that energy. I work everyday at letting people in my company know that I am open to love, and not as closed off as I typically make myself appear.

When it comes to love and romance I'm not at all jaded, I've had great experiences, and some bad ones, none detrimental enough to make me not believe in love. Even though I am far from being in love with a man whom I'll call my forever I've been pretty fortunate. Sometimes I listen to the bad experiences other women have had with men and it's so foreign to me that I feel fortunate. Grateful to have never been abused emotionally or physically. I've been heart broken, but haven't felt completely drained or defeated, thankfully.

Love and friendships, I've never felt this much love from a groups of friends as I do right now. Friendships of my past,  I assumed not having trust was normal. Jealousy and envy where normal occurrences and I would wait for people to hurt me in order to address things. I honestly thought waiting for a friend to eventually, stab me in the back was normal. Mistrust and cutting people off like diseased appendages was something I just did. Never trying to solve issues just always walking away, and picking up broken pieces alone. Now more then ever I get it when my mom used to say "your friends change as your interest in life change". My interest have definitely grown and changed.

Love has humbled me, and has shown me my ego is nothing. It was my ego that kept bad people around. I assume that my greatness would change people, and if it didn't, the power of my greatness would make people not harm me, because they should know better. It wasn't until a few years ago that I learned, people are who they are regardless of how nice, mean, pleasant or evil I am to them. They are who they are and I should believe them, when they show me. Also if who they are battles with me, and the love I have for myself let them go.

I don't have to love hard, I can open up and nurture healthy love. I am the gate keeper, and I decide who I let in or out. So for now on I will love unafraid, but only to those who love me the same way.

By: Queen

Twitter @TheQueenSpeaks_ Instagram @TheQueenSpeaks_

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