Monday, March 14, 2016

When are You Having Children?- Why this Question is Rude As Fuck!

As a newlywed there are so many things I am getting used to, for example having that Mrs. in front of my name, having a new last name and being called a Wife. These are all things that make me feel good inside, because I have a wonderful partner who makes me feel very happy to be his Mrs. What I am not too fond of is people feeling like they can ask me personal questions about my marriage and our next steps ESPECIALLY when it comes to us having children.

 I completely understand how the natural progression of getting married is usually having children. Don't get me wrong me and my husband very much want children in the near future. It just gets very overwhelming and downright frustrating to have people ask us these questions on a consistent basis. Even when I was getting my nails done for our honeymoon, the nail tech was grilling me about when we were going to get the baby making popping off. This was expected and although I felt prepared for this I wasn't. I wasn't expecting the judgmental glances when I told people my age (28) them telling me not to wait too long because. . . . tick tock. From family and close friends sure, I get it y'all want us to have kids and fast, but from complete strangers absolutely not. This is not okay, in fact this is rude ass fuck.


If you do not know me why would the kids question seem okay to ask? Let's think about this for a second, you are essentially asking me about my reproductive health, my personal opinions on children and could be touching on a sore spot in one very loaded question. Let's say for example I hadn't decided I wanted kids yet asking that puts that person in a very uncomfortable spot and sometimes makes you feel like you need to explain your choices. In other cases when the woman or man for that matter cannot have children or have been having issues conceiving, have had miscarriages or any number of other health issues that may affect fertility. It's very touchy for some and shouldn't need to be explained to strangers, acquaintances or family. 

 The other side of the coin is that some people just have no desire to have children. That is a very personal decision and something that shouldn't have to be explained to someone you barely know. This notion that you are less than a woman if you don't want or cannot have children is ridiculous. Not only that, it creates this false ideal that there is something wrong with not being maternal.

There is so much wrong with this that I could go on forever and a day about how this grinds my gears but i'll just end this here. The moral of the story- Stop asking women if they want to have children. It's rude as fuck, and don't be surprised if you get called out on it. Don't say we didn't warn you.

How do you deal with people asking you why you're not a mother yet? Let us know in the comment section below!

Electa is a self proclaimed foodie. She is a wife, a domestic goddess, and aspiring chef in training, and a Writer/Blogger from Brooklyn with serious Wanderlust. follow her on twitter@emazing17, instagram @emazing17 and snapchat @Emazing1787 

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