Sunday, March 19, 2017

Dear Tyrese, Black Women Don't Need You To Help Us.

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Sometimes weeding out controversial messages is hard to do. Whether the message is accidental or completely intentionally, the message can still sting for those on the receiving end. After overhearing a group of women talking about how "men are stupid and will sleep with and marry damn near anything," singer, actor, entertainer, and now "beauty expert" Tyrese,  took to social media to sound off. 

"I just feel the need to send a message to all of these "type" of ladies who just think Dudes are just STUPID??....WE KNOW the difference in real hair and fake clip-on. We know eyelash extensions, we know fake hard titties pointing in 4 directions with your ribs showing in the middle. He then continued his rant by saying, "I'm NOT trying to be mean, I'm just sending a message that US REAL MEN SEE THE BULLSH*T and IF He decides to rock with you, it's just cause they wanna get one off. No one will EVER take you seriously like that or really make that move....cause you look like a manufactured clown- some of you have convinced yourself that it's cause of how many dudes be trying to get at you." 

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To add more salt to some wounds, Tyrese then attempted to uplift women by saying, 

"Shout to #TeamNatural #TeamSquats and #TeamTakeMeAsIAm #TeamMatureEnoughToConsiderHarshTruth because you're single doesn't mean you're lonely. Know this... H**s, sluts, tramps are never without a man... You're single cause YOU have standard[s] and know your actual value." 
Somewhere in between his extensive career and writing a book, someone clearly told him that he is qualified to give relationship and dating advice. 
Aside from his Instagram essay, his message highlights a bigger issue: misogynoir, a dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against Black women. The concept of making cosmetic changes or enhancements for yourself and not others is an important one. However, what is a bit distasteful is how all of a sudden, (some) Black men believe it is okay to talk down to Black women in a blinded attempt to "help" us. 

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Tyrese, we don't need you to help us. We can perfectly manage on our own. Black women can manage on our own. Telling a Black woman that she needs to alter her appearance just to keep a man interested, committed long term, or even make it to the alter, is like stepping on a time bomb with blinders on. 
You have a daughter. What would you say if a man tells her that she needs to stop wearing false lashes or put down the Beauty Blender next time? The implications of telling women they perhaps should change their existence solely for man is rooted in history, both past, present, and future. Just last week, someone on Instagram posed the question, "Why do Black athletes marry white women?"
One user responded by saying, "The answer is simple, brother," he began. "Most of the sisters were raised in broken homes and they don't have proper guidance to how they should treat a man, so they mess up a lot in relationships. The biggest difference is that a white woman knows her position and accepts her role as women and lets her man lead." He continued by saying, "You can never get better at anything unless you can admit your fears and your mistakes. How would I be a better football player, if I'm not coachable? Black women are not coachable. Let's put it that way." 

Black women are tired. We should be loud but not too loud. We should be angry but not the angry Black girl. We should be "coachable," but still have some self-respect. We're already oppressed from socioeconomic conditions, getting paid less for the same work, or even just facing issues from every angle. 
But nonetheless, Tyrese, you do not have to bash women that don't meet your set of preferences. If you like women that are natural, then just simply say it without criticizing those that boldly wear weaves or wigs. Women don't wear weaves, wigs, lace fronts, or even false lashes for men. It's for ourselves because we want to look and feel good-- what's the problem with that? 
So the next time you feel the need to take to social media about a topic aimed to "help" us, please don't. Your bashing isn't necessary. Black women don't need you to save us and we most definitely don't need you to help us. We're completely good on our own. 

By: Ajea NicoleAjea Nicole is a 20 something from Boston, MA who craves anything style related. Though her love of style originated from scouring her mom’s closet, she often gleans style inspiration from Solange and June Ambrose. When she is not catching up on Project Runway, she can be found working out at the gym, reading a good book or
somewhere in a sushi restaurant.

Connect with her!
Twitter: @ajeanicole
Instagram: @ajeanicole

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