Thursday, December 28, 2017

Three Real Reasons You Are Not Getting The Commitment You Deserve

Photo via Createherstock

I was chatting with a friend the other day when we began talking about her man. Although they have been in an exclusive, committed relationship for the last five months, she felt discomfort she about being firmly located in the land of relationship status ambiguity.  After a night of passion, she awoke the next morning and confessed her feelings. Her gentleman panicked and told her that although he doesn’t want to see other people or be with anyone other than her, he was not ready to be in a ‘relationship’.

Okay. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure he's not

Are you sympathetically grimacing at your screen for my friend? ...Wondering why your partner said the same thing once?

Welcome to the second installment of The Wonderful World of Vagina’s A blog series dedicated to outlining issues for people by folks with vaginas. This edition?


Don’t worry - I’ve got answers:

You haven't set enough boundaries-An important part of every relationship is respect. How does one earn respect in life and relationships?  BY SETTING BOUNDARIES!

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...Maybe not this sort of boundary

Boundaries tell people how they can and cannot treat you and draw lines in the sand, that those who respect you will not cross. If your partner thinks they can have their cake and eat it too, make sure they understand that getting into the inner sanctum of your relationship perks CANNOT be obtained with an easy fuck and a snuggle. If they are already getting everything they need from you without commitment, what is the incentive to be in a committed relationship? I’ll clue you in. THEY DON’T HAVE ONE. While this isn’t the sounding alarm to suddenly withhold sex and build crazy, emotional walls. You probably shouldn’t start doing their laundry or cooking three-course meals until they decide to be your exclusive, committed partner.

They are "getting their shit together"

I read an article once, on, to slightly paraphrase:

When your partner says, “I’m not ready for a relationship yet,” they may very well mean, “I’m not ready to take you on,” instead of, “I’m not ready to give up being single.”

Image result for bite shiny metal ass gif
You heard the robot

This is a rather bullshit excuse! Tell them to call you when they’re ready for a challenge, because life isn’t easy and neither are you. You shouldn’t have to change to fit their needs! If your partner isn’t adult enough to realize that NO ONE HAS THEIR SHIT TOGETHER you shouldn’t be with them! If your partner isn’t mature enough to realize that you should STILL BE A LOVING HUMAN WHILE YOUR SHIT IS NOT TOGETHER you shouldn’t be with them! If your partner isn’t hard enough to realize that THIS IS THE ENTIRETY OF LIFE, you shouldn’t be with them! You don't need that kind of negativity in your life!

They aren't ready for a relationship

People will straight up tell you this. They will say things like “I feel like the timing is just off” or “I don’t think people are biologically wired to commit to one another” or “Please stop talking to yourself in my DM’s and lurking in my driveway at night ... you are terrifying.”. Listen to them when they say these things! STEP AWAY FROM THEIR DRIVEWAY! Do NOT think you can change their mind by using any of the following things:

  • Your bomb ass sex game
  • Your bomb ass personality
  • Your bomb ass cooking 
  • Your bomb ass paycheck
  • Your bomb ass ass

I know ... I'm sorry. I'm sure your ass is perfect!

You have to realize all of the above are band-aids and stop-gaps on a much more serious wound! A TRIFLING ATTITUDE. If you are clearly looking for a relationship and the person you’re talking to isn’t with “the shits”, but still wants all of your benefits, I’m going to need you to locate the hills and run for them! That person is wasting your time!

“Ok ok ok” I can practically hear you say, “so you made your little list and you dragged me by the hair. I’m mostly nosy though and want to know what happened to your friend. I scrolled all the way down here and dealt with how much you talk on paper and not in videos. I deserve a reward.”

Feeling a little attacked here but, ... okay

How does the story end with my unfortunate friend? Happily!

Once she expressed her initial displeasure and even more after that, she decided on setting THE MOST MINOR BOUNDARY IN LIFE!
After expressing that she would rather not continue arguing via text, or at all. She told him she was angry about his lack of ability to commit to their clearly, already existing relationship. She did not want to speak to him until a time in the future when she felt less like tearing his head from his shoulders, or when he would have a more acceptable answer for her.
After a few hours had passed, everyone was left alone to think and calm down. He showed up at her apartment, took her out to dinner, and told her that her silence spoke volumes. It had shown him, more than anything else, how much he had hurt her. He apologized and asked if she would please consider being his girlfriend if being with him was still something she wanted. She agreed and they are now a happy couple.

Your ending might not be as neat, but you have to learn to stick to your guns! If your partner can’t respect your boundaries, whatever they may be, kick ‘em to the curb guiltlessly because THEY WEREN’T RIGHT FOR YOU! The right partner will respect your boundaries and love you more for them. So get out there and FIND EM!

Think this is mildly useful and want a low-pressure way to make us happy? LIKE THIS! Low key have a question you want to ask us? We can't know your thoughts unless you SAY SOMETHING with a comment! Are you in the same boat as my friend and kind of want to sub-tweet at the guilty party about it? SHARE it and start a conversation!

By Alisha Smith, Alisha is 24-year-old recent graduate, writer, blogger, gamer, and corporate drone by day and rampant blabbermouth by night. She currently writes for Ms. Vixen and on Medium and spends her free time shamelessly pursuing her interests and avoiding other humans. 

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