About a year ago I wrote about my experience with pregnancy loss. It was an extremely emotional time for my husband and, but unfortunately somewhat common. No, I am writing against not to talk about loss, but about my conception journey.
I’ll be honest when I first thought about trying to get pregnant I thought this would be pretty easy. I come from a big family (i’m one of five children) and my mother had an unplanned pregnancy at the age of 39. My Sister also has four kids of her own, so I've never really questioned my fertility. I figured when the time came it would be as simple as stopping my birth control and letting nature run its course. Yea. . . it’s not that simple.
Most of the information I’ve read says that most “normal” couples will get pregnant within a year if of trying. Of course, there are many factors that go into this like overall health, underlying fertility issues, age etc. now although I nor my husband are the pictures of perfect health (I’m anemic, and have a Vitamin D deficiency), we’re according to our Doctor’s relatively healthy. There has been a push for us to lose weight which if your been reading ms. Vixen for a while you know I have struggled with FOREVER. . . . ok so not forever but for the past 10 years or so.
Ideally, I would love to lose a ton of weight before getting pregnant but if I’m honest with myself I don’t know how realistic it is. Since maintaining my weight has always been such a struggle for me. I mention this because if I DID need fertility treatment to assist me, losing weight would be mandatory. Last I remembered I was told I would need to lose 30-50 pounds to even be considered for fertility treatment. Apparently, your overall health isn’t nearly as important as the number on the scale but I digress.
If I’m being honest, that’s why I’m here bearing myself to all you lovely readers. Trying to get pregnant is HARD AF. I mean not the act, of course, that’s fun. I mean the emotional impact of trying to have a Baby a planned pregnancy. Of course, it’s not Hard for everyone you have the lucky ones (or not so lucky ones depending on who you ask) who get pregnant without even thinking twice about it. Who don’t even really have to “Try” it just sort of happens.
I am not one of the “lucky ones” in fact most of the women who I personally know who have gone through this journey aren’t either. Although my journey has not been that long. Got pregnant after 5 months is trying before which did not go to term. It’s been about 4 months this time around and that by no means compares to the women who have been trying for YEARS. None the less I wonder like most Women in this position, will I ever get pregnant? Will I ever have a family?
This is hard Y'all, you do everything in your power I mean literally. The ovulation tests, the prenatal and fertility vitamins, you eat right you try to be healthy. You do your baby dance (trying to conceive talk for sex. Lol) and then you wait and you wait. You do obsessive google searches, like is (fill in the blank) and early pregnancy symptom? Cross your fingers it is so you have some hope that THIS is the month that you see those two little lines finally! And if not you do it all over again, I believe the definition of Insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting a different result which is pretty much what trying to have a Baby feels like some time fucking Insanity.
I’ve cried at the sight of my period because it meant once again, I wasn’t pregnant. Had to speed walk through the baby section at Target before having another moment of tears coming. Mother nature is messed up the way PMS mimics pregnancy so closely. Hormones are a motherfucker.
Now don’t get me wrong it isn’t all woe is me, trying to have a baby can be fun. I mean for starters your encouraged to have as much sex as possible. I know more about my body then I EVER did before being able to know for certain when my body is doing normal and not so normal things.
I’m sharing all these details about my life to hopefully help someone out there, you aren’t alone. I see you.
Electa is a self-proclaimed foodie. She is a Wife, a domestic goddess, aspiring chef in training, and a Writer/Blogger from Brooklyn with serious Wanderlust. follow her on twitter: @emazing17