“It’s all well and good until they do something to piss me off and then it’s all ‘you to wild for me ma.’ These dudes get their feelings hurt one good time and are ready to run for the hills.”
Step 1: Learn how your anger manifests itself.
Everyone is different, therefore everyone’s anger manifests itself differently. Here are some common expressions of anger. Figure out which set sounds like you and let’s get to work.
Verbal bashing: This includes yelling, arguing, put downs, insults, and threats.
- Non-verbal bashing: This falls into the category of giving someone the ‘cold shoulder’ withdrawal of affection, dismissiveness, hostility, and contempt. (Contempt is the funeral bells of all relationships, so especially watch your non-verbal indicators people!)
- Suppression: When you feel anger and try to push it down internally (please note that your anger is AN ENERGY. According to the Law of Conservation of Energy in physics, energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be transformed from one form into another. Suppressing your anger usually transforms itself into stress, which can lead to digestive problems, heart disease, chronic tension, fatigue, and high blood pressure for you. Just keep that in mind.
- Displacement: When you are angry at someone you feel you can’t express it to (like your boss) so, you take it out on someone else (like your spouse). Unfortunately, this is how many people consciously or unconsciously release some of the negative energy that they build up.
- Passive aggression: This one has become famous for television shows, but it is usually characterized by activities that have plausible deniability of angry feelings. This can range from things like sarcasm, to pettiness which could sound a little something like “oh they want that new Chanel perfume? I wanted sex last night, so regardless of any previously made promises they are still going to smell like feet.” or “I know I said that I would do X thing for my partner, but they can suck it because I didn’t like the way they talked to me last week.” Ect.