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Monday, September 17, 2018

Deadhead the Flowers of Your Dreams

photo via nappy.co

               
               
            
So, I'm in my new home preparing to plant some flowers. I like garden shit. It makes me feel one with the earth, but that's neither here nor there. I read the back of the seed packet and the instructions read: "deadhead flowers to foster more blooming." In true curiosity, I immediately google the term "deadhead." After all, the term sounds dangerous and counter-productive to the goal of blooming flowers, but on the contrary, I learned I need to deadhead the flowers of my own dreams and life in order to encourage more blooms.

Deadhead-verb|remove dead flower heads from a plant to encourage further blooming

Habits-noun|a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up

Testimony:

A flower plant's natural goal is to flower (bloom), create and set seeds, and die. It is the flow of life to do your part, reproduce, and well we all saw what happened to Mufassa. Yet, when we plant a flower garden, we ultimately wish to cultivate beautiful flowers which are aesthetically pleasing to us and adds a little light to our otherwise monotonous yards and homes. Deadheading helps gardeners to achieve the aesthetic goal, for when flower blooms begin to decay, the flower sends a signal to the root which says; "Aye man, it's over for the under. We just need to stop blooming and produce seeds now before we head to the upper room." Deadheading helps to discourage the message. In doing so, more flowers bloom instead of decaying because the plant's energy is redirected from setting seeds to creating more blooms. After learning this, I began to see many plants which had decaying parts. And I think, oh man those old parts need to be cut in order for the plant to reach its fullest potential. Then my inner spirit said,.

Break it down, B:

When our hair is not growing, the first thing our hair stylist says to us is: "you need to cut these dead-ends." And even when the new growth accrues, the dead-ends do not give them the room to shine. On one end we will have growing hair, but it is immediately stopped at the dry and brittle demon ends. The same concept applies to flowers blooms. More importantly, the same concept applies to our lives. We can be in the best of situations--bomb ass careers, bomb ass relationships, bomb ass car, bomb ass ideas, bomb ass dreams, bomb ass fill in the blank as you please. However, if there are old habits in play that discourages bloom and growth, the bomb ass whatever you please will be short-lived. And its a shame, because you--I--we deserve to bloom all year long.

So, I had to think, what dead habits do I have in the flower garden of my life and dreams that need disposing of? I can be a major procrastinator, laziness lurks within, and without getting too deep with ya'll, etc, etc. Nonetheless, these decaying habits (decaying because if it is not encouraging my growth it hinders) have to be removed.

Well, Damn, B, How do I do this?


The thing we don't talk about as it relates to habits is the replacement. We all know the traditional it takes 21 days to break a habit, or make a habit, or eat a habit, or whatever the kids are saying. Yet, in my experience, I've learned breaking a habit means nothing, if there is not a new habit to replace the old habit. For example, if one has a habit of eating unhealthy foods and decides to live more healthy, in ten days or less, the new healthy foods will get old, and those old cravings will start creeping in like decaying flower blooms. What should one do? Find a replacement. Find new healthier food options to stimulate the craving. As it relates to decaying habits, after deadheading, replace them with a tool, an alarm clock, or new habit to encourage blooms. For example, one of my decaying habits is procrastination, right. Now, I have to replace procrastination with the commitment to a schedule. In order to nurture this new habit, I took to listening to motivational sermons or speeches about grinding, growth, and serving God, so when my ten-day itch creeps in, I have a reminder of why I had to deadhead. Also, find an accountability buddy. Enlist the help of a like-minded gardener to lean on when you find yourself slipping back into old habits. Before long, you'll find yourself blooming consistently with brand new and healthy habits.

At the end of the day, this is your life. I'm writing to my unknown audience, but I need the reminder just as well. Five years from now, if we are not blooming in the way we desire for ourselves--if we are not living our dream life or enjoying our bomb ass situations, it will be no one's fault but our own. With that, consider, what habits you need to deadhead and remove from your garden? What ends do you need to clip in order to grow the mane you have always wanted to secure? Only you know. Only you can nurture the flowers of your life and dreams.


By: Britney “Bird Nefertiti” Newton is a spiritual womanist, writer, blogger, poet, and “women are made of fire” enthusiast. 
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