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It has been 19 days since my last blog post, A very large gap since I like to post every week. I keep trying to write, and continue to build Ms. Vixen. I don't get too deep into my personal life because I always want a piece of me that only belongs to me. I haven't been writing at all, not for myself, not for the other publications I write for, all my thoughts have been bottled up in my head. As I go through one of the hardest transitions I have ever taken in my life. Living as a full time writer, and owner of my online thrift store. Nothing has been easy throughout this journey, and it has impacted my writing in ways I never thought it would.

I've tried several times to sit at my computer and just write, but my head clouds up with the many thoughts of uncertainty of what the future holds. I have been focusing so much on what's next, and what the future has in store for me, that I haven't been focusing on the good things that are happening now. I am in great physical health, and still live in a nice apartment, in Brooklyn, NY. Many people would love to call this great city their home. So, I am definitely grateful for that. I also am doing things I'm  passionate about, I have a podcast 'Tea with Queen and J. ' That I host with one of my best friends, where I get to rant my personal views mostly concerning women, Black life, and many other socio-political issues, with my silliness mixed in. I run a blog that people love, and I have been nurturing for three years, and because of my contributed writing in other publications was granted an interview and feature in amNY, a popular New York City Newspaper, in only my first year of writing for other publications. Every time I get discourage things happen that show me that I should keep going towards fulfilling my passions. My thrift store, Flowers To Spikes, has been open for only a month and is doing very well, and I am extremely grateful for that. All these creative avenues I enjoy help keep me happy.

I have decided to unblock my mind, stop focusing on what I don't presently have and focus on what I good. I told a friend that my life was falling apart and now that I replay that line in my head I realize I am over reacting, and looking at the my cup of life only seeing the empty side. I have a lot of great things going on with my life. I'm going to stop crying, and laying in bed all day depressed and write. I hope you'll are ready for me. QUEEN IS BACK!!

Header art work by Creative Stasis of  ArtByCreativeStasis.com



By: Queen

Twitter @TheQueenSpeaks_

Instagram @TheQueenSpeaks_

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I wrote this piece on day out of frustration on my personal Tumblr, and I got a great response, so I decided to share it with my Ms. Vixen family. 
I'm single and I have decided not to date, because honestly i'm exhausted. I don't have the patience right now, to nurture another idiot, and feel drained afterward. The past two years I've had a heavy rotation of men whom I would classify as fuck boys. Men who are jerks for no reason, and some aren't  aware that they are selfish, inconsiderate pieces of flesh, that have come into your life to cause ruckus. Honestly many of these men are insecure, or fighting demons we know nothing about. In addition almost all of them haven't even earned to right to be fuck boys.  To  understand the psyche of a fuck boy, I've written something that pretty much illustrates the way their mind works. 

The Fuck Boy Manifesto
I’m cunning but incredibly dumb, which makes you think otherwise at first. My wit is great, which would lead you to believe my thoughts are deep. They aren't. They’re actually incredibly shallow, murky and grimy like a nasty street puddles, and I don’t care, why? ‘Cause I am a Fuck Boy
I communicate horribly, never really answering yes or no, to very direct questions. When I do answer, its half truths and nonsense, run arounds are my specialty. Why, cause I don’t know shit, I am Fuck Boy.
I disappear and reappear in your life when it’s convenient for me, as if nothing horrible has occurred. I try to slither my way back in through emails and Facebook inbox’s. Acting like I care, and I absolutely don’t. I am a creature of opportunity, and today might be the day you give in to my advances, so I press send. Do I care if you've finally moved on to happy moments? Hell nah, I’m a Fuck Boy.
I am a plethora of mind fucks, very good at planting seeds of insecurity. The master of the flip, diverting all bad energy off of me. At the end of every argument you’re left thinking “wait, maybe I am crazy”. What if I told you, you have never been crazy. But simply a victim of me, a Fuck Boy.
I’m selfish, and my feelings are most important, yours are always secondary. I’m a lot of mess, and seek women who like to tend to them. Who have a desire to be the cure, who think they have the power to rehabilitate me. There’s no fixing me sweetie, I am a Fuck Boy
I’m a festering boil that only gets worse before it gets better. I swell with puss and become something ugly, and you keep tending to me. One day i’ll explode. All the nasty smelly mucus I've acquired will spill out, on to you.  All of me that has rotted, died and I no longer need, I will release on to you. You’ll look up covered in my musty, excrement and will ask me “Why? Why would I do this to you, to a person who cared and loved you unconditionally” and i’ll look back to you as I walk away from you, on to my next conquest and simply reply “Cause I am who I am, I am who you met me as, and I live life the only way I know how, as A Fuck Boy.

By Queen
Twitter: @TheQueenSpeaks_
Instagram: @TheQueenSpeaks_

The relationship Black women have with their hair is one immersed with periods of love and hate. Hair is simply protein bonds, called keratin but Black hair is something that has become more socially complex than simple polypeptide bonds. We, Black people  have the only hair texture deemed by many as unprofessional. The way  our  hair naturally grows out of our hair is below many standards of beauty and our crowns are never good enough. Despite the social, and sometimes psychological impact black hair can have on many young girls and women, our hair tells a story, and has lots of history tied to it. Photographer Nakeya Brown, a California native whom currently resides in New Jersey has created visual to the tale of our hair.
The Art of Sealing Ends

Her creative muse is the Black woman, specifically our hair. When asked why Black hair, Nekay replies "Hair inspires my work in a way no other facet of our being has. I’m constantly conjuring up ways to visualize our experience into a tangible body of work that represents what hair means to ourselves and to society as a whole."
Mitten & Hot Comb in My Kitchen

She does an amazing job in capturing pieces of our hair journey in photos that are bright, and full of life. It's a story of innovation, creativity, and defiance. Photography is her artistic median because, photos are "powerful, immediate and enduring" according to Nakeya. Her latest series  is like a  vault in my childhood of hair events that also leads into a path of my womanhood. The many rituals black woman use to style our hair, -while the most ridiculed-has the most variety and transformation. We can morph our hair into anything we want, one of our many secret powers. 
Shower Crown Royal
When many of us decide to stop chemically treating our hair there is a moment of self-discovery, learning, and sometimes annoyance. Up keep and the process of creating a beautiful acceptable crown is important. "I began to see what having my hair in a natural state meant to society. It was motley of opinions. At the age of 24 I gave birth to a beautiful and lively baby girl named Mia. Now as a mother, I’m raising a young Black girl of my own that will be faced with the perplexities of being both Black and a woman."

The Art of Sealing Ends Part II 
Being a Black woman is continuous  dynamic of self acceptance in a world that does everything to make a woman of color doubt herself. People set standards of what hair is supposed to look like, or how it is supposed to act, as if what is on our head somehow impacts their day to day life.

Before I Lay Me Down To Sleep

With her photography, Nakeya B.  hopes to transcend borders of race, culture, sex, and furthermore America while creating conversations that lead to the more free thought and acceptance of differences. 


For more of Nakeya B.'s photogrophy you can find her here,   Tumblr -www.nakeyab.tumblr.com Instagram @nakeyab and her Website -www.nakeyab.com

By Queen
Twitter: @TheQueenSpeaks_
Instagram: @TheQueenSpeaks_



















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As my loyal readers know, I lost my job a couple a months ago, so lately everything I do is on a tight budget. So, when my birthday begin to approach I knew I had to find a fashionable outfit but not spend a lot of cash. Since my former job was in retail and I am person who loves clothes, my closet and dresser draws are full of clothing, so I knew had no problem in that department. My main issue is I always want something new, which I knew wasn't really an option for me. Then while scrolling through tumblr, and I came across this outfit Kelis was wearing. I thought it was the right combination of flirty and simple. So this was the look  inspired me.
I'm pretty good at doing things myself, plus i'm a DIY YouTube junkie, so I knew i'd find some kind of tutorial on how to make a Tulle skirt. The easiest, and quickest  method I found was the no sew method. I was only a few days away from my birthday, so I didn't want a long project.

 I'm a fan of bright colors, so when I saw the purple Tulle in the fabric store, it was love at first sight. I purchased 8 yards, of Tulle fabric at $1.25 a yard and one yard or elastic at 85 cents a yard. The total money spent on my outfit was $10.85 cents!!

Here's the video I used teach me the no sew method.




Under the tulle skirt I wore a black basic mini dress that I already owned, this was my lining so my underwear wouldn't show. It's usually pretty warm on my birthday, but this year it was cool and rainy, also, I didn't want my look to be too dainty so I went to a thrift store to find a cute motorcycle style jacket, but I had no luck. I remembered I already own a faux leather motorcycle vest, so I settled with that. I chose Royal blue platform pumps that I've  had for years, to add another pop of color. Then added some accessories to accent the outfit, and BAM, mission accomplished a stylish outfit for only ten bucks.

What I learned, making something new is all about re-purposing and bringing life to things you already have. A simple revamp by adding the DIY tulle skirt made a huge difference on my closet, my fashion confidence but a minimal difference on my wallet.






By Queen
Twitter: @TheQueenSpeaks_
Instagram: @TheQueenSpeaks_
I get a lot of questions about my accessories and the clothes I wear from my Instagram and Twitter followers. Among the many things I am Queen of, thrifting and finding affordable fashion pieces that still turn heads is something I am incredibly good at. I am heavy into the entrepreneurial spirit lately so, I decided to open an online thrift store!

The key to finding a great bargain, with thrifting or even in traditional stores is you have to have time. So, although you get something for a low price you have still payed with time. Instead of spending your whole day going through racks at the salvation army, why not find it all conveniently online? I take the time time finding great affordable peices for you to buy. I go to thrift stores, street festivals, consignment shops looking around for great in trend pieces, and nothing is priced over $20. Yes, everything on my website is $20 and under, how great is that?!

Here's a taste of what i'm selling! 

                                                                     

                                                                           

                                                                           


So far I have 30 items in stock, and will add pieces every week! Pleases visit my store, and tell me what you think flowerstospikes.com (click link)

By Queen
Twitter: @TheQueenSpeaks_
Instagram: @TheQueenSpeaks_

When you think of the color “nude,” what do you think of? Does it look something like this?

When you think of the color "nude," what do you think of? Does it look something like this?

How about this?

How about this?
This is a “nude” makeup palette from Bobbi Brown.

Or what about this?

Or what about this?
That’s a “nude” lip on Kim Kardashian.

The trouble is, all of these examples of “nude” are based on a Caucasian skin tone. This is what you get when you search for “nude”-colored clothing.

The trouble is, all of these examples of "nude" are based on a Caucasian skin tone. This is what you get when you search for "nude"-colored clothing.
Notice the dark-skinned woman wearing, uh, NUDE clothes.
Notice the dark-skinned woman wearing, uh, NUDE clothes.

That’s why the lingerie brand Nubian Skin decided to create a line of “nude” lingerie and hosiery for women of color.


Nubian Skin’s blog describes the struggle many women of color go through trying to find a nude garment to wear under a sheer blouse. “My nude isn’t the nude I see in shops,” wrote the company’s intern Mary on their blog.

“Despite the reality that women of color have the same needs as all women when it comes to lingerie and hosiery (and spend the same of their hard-earned money), the industry simply doesn’t cater to us,” she continued.

“So, I thought, it’s time to rethink the definition of nude.”

Mary said she believes there are tons of parallels in the makeup industry.



“It took Eunice W. Johnson to create Fashion Fair Cosmetics in 1973 for black women to really have an adequate choice in finding makeup colors to suit them. In the 1990s and 2000s, mainstream brands began to realize the value of providing to women of color, and despite the billions we spend on make up each year, there are still brands that have chosen not to provide an offering for us.”

The line will be available for purchase in October via the Nubian Skin site.



She hopes that the brand’s mission will encourage others to rethink “nude.”



“It’s an uphill battle, but every revolution starts somewhere.”


Header Image via blog.nubianskin.com/
As I continue on this journey of finding my lifetime the homey, (that’s how I refer to my future husband) I can’t help but look back to where I have been on this romantic love journey. I, like many woman have had great men in my life, and losers who I  often wish never existed. I also have noticed, many women like to sum up events in our lives both good and bad to lessons learned. I do this with every experience in my life, big or small. One lesson that currently stands out in my thoughts is, I once was in love with a man who hated me. Whom would at any opportunity find ways to shoot me down, make me feel small. My personality, and what I assume people love about me he would always down play. I pride myself in having a pretty high self esteem, I never care much if i'm liked by others, or care about peoples perception of me. I go about life pretty fearless, always trying new things; not ashamed of my mistakes (believe me, there are many) and even with all my mess I hold my head high. He hated that about me, and tried everything possible to kill that in me.

While in this relationship I couldn't understand why my heart would want a man who in the four years we were in each other lives, could barely give me a compliment, and if he did it would come out of his mouth, flung at me, with his mouth skewed as if it was a pulled tooth. Often telling me i'm just okay, when I would tell him of something great I did within my day. I remember us once being in a bathroom after a night of partying, we’re both drunk and high, me pouring out my heart,  telling him how much I love him, and how horrible he makes me fell. I remember saying to him “You can’t even do anything as simple as tell me I look nice.” His reply a very nonchalant and uncaring “‘cause you already know that, why should I say it. People tell you you’re great all the time, you hear it enough.” I sat in that bathroom (we were naked in the tub, don’t ask) looked in his eyes and that’s the first time I recognized it. There was a fiery look jarring back at me, not of passion, but of rage. This man hates me, and he wants to destroy me. I hadn't realized while living through it, but I was in an emotionally abusive relationship.

I should have left the situation then, but I had not yet felt done with it. I knew it was bad for me, knew he was toxic and knew it would end horribly, but I also knew that I wouldn't leave the situation completely until something inside of me told me I was done. Him and I had parted ways many times throughout the years, but I always made my way back. He was fun, accepted parts of me I thought at that time no other man would. Also I’d been such a horrible girlfriend, and woman to so many men in my life I thought this was all I deserved so I foolishly accepted it. Treating men as if they  were disposable in order to protect myself from the heartbreak I saw many women around me go through. I've often tried to figure out why I would share space with a man I knew hated me. That I knew wanted to tear me down. Was I torturing myself, making myself go through pain on purpose? I've yet to conclude the why, but I have concluded the lesson.

It was with him that I learned, love isn't draining or exhausting, it’s fulfilling and awakens you. Love is great and I should love someone unafraid, and wholesomely but never will I let the love I have for someone else continually make me question the love I have for myself. When we finally parted ways permanently, he told me to get over myself, as if I had no right to be angry that he hurt me. No ownership in his actions, because in his mind, I thought way to highly of  myself and once again needed to be knocked down. I was so angry with that response I threw my phone, then thought to myself, I will never get over myself, I am head over heels in love with me, and will always be. That’s what he always knew about me and wanted to die. He hated that I loved me, because he didn't love himself.

I write about many of my life experiences because it helps me heal. It also helps me show other people they aren't going through these situations alone. So, although I've never been in a physically abusive relationship, I fully understand the mental constraints that come with being abused. The battles in your mind, wondering why you aren't good enough, and why you don't measure up to their level of wants. As cliche as it sounds, its them, not you. The second I realized that completely, I was able to walk away, and save myself from his mental torture. So even though I fell in love with a man who hated me, I loved myself enough to keep that chapter of my life in the past tense when he decided to leave.

Header art work by Creative Stasis of  ArtByCreativeStasis.com

By Queen
Twitter: @TheQueenSpeaks_
Instagram: @TheQueenSpeaks_
                                                      
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