Hello, readers! Many of you may know that outside of Ms. Vixen I write for other publications, but my main goal as a writer is to become an author. I do a lot creative writing on my own time and on my personal blog, but I don't do much here. I've deciding to start a blog series, that I will add a new chapter to bi-weekly and hopefully will later become a memoir about my dating life. Memoirs of a Dater
It was the weekend of my 30th birthday and I had many lunch, brunch and dinner dates scheduled. I’m guessing everyone felt the need to feed me, and maybe that's what 30-year-old people do; go out to eat all the time. I don't really know, but if that is in fact the truth, I need a gym membership fast. I'm seriously fine with reaching the big 3-0 as long as I'm not the shape of the zero in it, huge and round. Nonetheless it was a great way to be welcomed into the third decade of my life. It was an intimate birthday, spending time with only my closest friends and family. Not my usual scandalous extravaganzas because I am known to do my birthday very huge. A grand opening into a new year of my life. A national holiday that celebrates the anniversary of me entering this great old planet of ours. In comparison to my 29th birthday, which featured a stripper who shot water at me from her vagina, this low-key weekend was the complete opposite of any celebratory function I'd ever held.
In all honesty, I needed this brunch with my mother because I was deathly afraid. Not of being 30, not about being single and childless. I was afraid because I knew I would have to continuously defend my reasons for still being unmarried, still being childless, and yet still being happy. Yeah, I said happy. It sounds foolish, but so many people tie a woman's accomplishments to marriage and motherhood that they are perplexed with a happy woman who is single and also childless. It's like we're these unheard of mythical creatures. So since that's what the world thinks I am, I've decided to be a mermaid. Yes, a damn mermaid! Why can't I be!? I’d have nice perky breast, a great silhouette, and no more foot pain from wearing 5 inch heels. That would be cool, but I'm not a mermaid I'm a woman. So I'll put on my big girl face and just deal with it.
We met in Harlem, my mother’s favorite place to be in NYC; it's her childhood stomping grounds, and in many ways mine too. I was born and raised in the Bronx, but most of my childhood and teenage exploits happened in Harlem. So it's a special place for me as well. Where I've done a lot of running around and learning. We're sitting at the restaurant and besides our usual catching up I'm waiting for the question I get from everyone I come across at this point. "So, is there someone special in your life?" I've grown to hate this question. Of course there's someone special in my life - there's my mom, my siblings, my friends. I have many special people in my life. That answer usually isn't good enough, so I say “No”. No one special because yes, I am still single. My mom I know is worried about me being single, although she won't admit it. It's the general thought I assume a parent would have of her daughter who seems perfectly fine in all other areas, yet can't get it right as far as romantic relationships with men. I feel like the problem is I actually do think I get it right. I learned early that if the love I have for somebody challenges the love I have for myself, then it's no good and I'm walking away. My slogan, " if it's not conducive to the progress of Naima, then no thanks." I want no parts of it.It wasn't until much later in life that I came to these conclusions about my love life. I've actually pulled, plucked, observed and tweaked many things along the way and although not perfected, I'm pretty damn close to Naima nirvana. That special place in my heart and soul where I feel at one with myself. Good, bad and even the boring pointless stuff in the middle. So as I sit and reflect on my life with sex and romance I'm okay with it. No I'm not yet married, yes I've experienced more heartbreak than I would suggest, but these stripes I earned are mine, and I love them too. Let me walk you through how I got to where I am now.
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