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Hello, readers! Many of you may know that outside of Ms. Vixen I write for other publications, but my main goal as a writer is to become an author. I do a lot creative writing on my own time and on my personal blog, but I don't do much here. I've deciding to start a blog series, that I will add a new chapter to bi-weekly and hopefully will later become a memoir about my dating life. Memoirs of a Dater

It was the weekend of my 30th birthday and I had many lunch, brunch and dinner dates scheduled. I’m guessing everyone felt the need to feed me, and maybe that's what 30-year-old people do; go out to eat all the time. I don't really know, but if that is in fact the truth, I need a gym membership fast. I'm seriously fine with reaching the big 3-0 as long as I'm not the shape of the zero in it, huge and round. Nonetheless it was a great way to be welcomed into the third decade of my life. It was an intimate birthday, spending time with only my closest friends and family. Not my usual scandalous extravaganzas because I am known to do my birthday very huge. A grand opening into a new year of my life. A national holiday that celebrates the anniversary of me entering this great old planet of ours. In comparison to my 29th birthday, which featured a stripper who shot water at me from her vagina, this  low-key weekend was the complete opposite of any celebratory function I'd ever held.

In all honesty, I needed this brunch with my mother because I was deathly afraid. Not of   being 30, not about being single and childless. I was afraid because I knew I would have to continuously defend my reasons for still being unmarried, still being childless, and yet still being happy. Yeah, I said happy. It sounds foolish, but so many people tie a woman's accomplishments to marriage and motherhood that they are perplexed with a happy woman who is single and also childless. It's like we're these unheard of mythical creatures. So since that's what the world thinks I am, I've decided to be a mermaid. Yes, a damn mermaid! Why can't I be!? I’d have nice perky breast, a great silhouette, and no more foot pain from wearing 5 inch heels. That would be cool, but I'm not a mermaid I'm a woman. So I'll put on my big girl face and just deal with it.

We met in Harlem, my mother’s favorite place to be in NYC; it's her childhood stomping grounds, and in many ways mine too. I was born and raised in the Bronx, but most of my childhood and teenage exploits happened in Harlem. So it's a special place for me as well. Where I've done a lot of running around and learning. We're sitting at the restaurant and besides our usual catching up I'm waiting for the question I get  from everyone I come across at this point. "So, is there someone special in your life?" I've grown to hate this question. Of course there's someone special in my life - there's my mom, my siblings, my friends. I have many special people in my life. That answer usually isn't good enough, so I say “No”. No one special because yes, I am still single. My mom I know is worried about me being single, although she won't admit it. It's the general thought I assume a parent would have of her daughter who seems perfectly fine in all other areas, yet can't get it right as far as romantic relationships with men. I feel like the problem is I actually do think I get it right. I learned early that if the love I have for somebody challenges the love I have for myself, then it's no good and I'm walking away. My slogan, " if it's not conducive to the progress of Naima, then no thanks." I want no parts of it.
It wasn't until much later in life that I came to these conclusions about my love life. I've actually pulled, plucked, observed and tweaked many things along the way and although not perfected, I'm pretty damn close to Naima nirvana. That special place in my heart and soul where I feel at one with myself. Good, bad and even the boring pointless stuff in the middle. So as I sit and reflect on my life with sex and romance I'm okay with it. No I'm not yet married, yes I've experienced more heartbreak than I would suggest, but these stripes I earned are mine, and I love them too. Let me walk you through how I got to where I am now.

I would love comments and input, also be sure to subscribe to Ms. Vixen and get updates on this story sent to your email!

By Queen
Twitter @TheQueenSpeaks_
Instagram @TheQueenSpeaks_ Writes  Janelle Monáe is ready to formally introduce her custom label Wondaland to the world. The songstress is set to release the 5-song The Eephus compilation EP.
Monáe has contributed to the project. Wondaland artists Jidenna,Roman, St. Beauty, and Deep Cotton will also appear on The Eephus. The roster has worked together on different material for years.
We looked at what Puff and Jay Z have done, Jack White and Prince as well,” Monáe tells Billboard. “But I’m also really inspired by strong women in business, like Mellody Hobson and Queen Latifah.”
After receiving interests from several major labels, Wondaland decided to team with Epic Records. The imprint is now under the guidance of industry veterans Epic CEO L.A. Reid and president Sylvia Rhone.
“Janelle is a boss! She’s the first female label boss that I’ve met who is like P. Diddy and Jay Z and Andre Harrell — she’s the first female cut from that cloth,” says Reid.
Monáe has been associated with Diddy’s Bad Boy Records. She worked as a singer for OutKast as well. Her solo discography includes the critically acclaimed LPs The ArchAndroid and The Electric Lady.Janelle also appeared on Fun’s Number 1 smash hit “We Are Young.”

Her Instagram announcement below 
Great DIY project to spruce up any bare wall. If you're into a feminine way to add cool art to your walls this is it! Very easy and affordable way to add art to your walls. I'm actually going to try this, will probably use a larger canvas, and will update you all later. This is my favorite DIY YouTube Channel Ms. Kris

If you try this DIY and love it please tag Ms. Vixen in pictures on Instagrm, Twitter and our Tumblr. @_MsVixen_

I came across this beautiful campaign simply by scrolling on my tumblr feed and knew instantly it was something that must be shared with Ms. Vixen readers! Style Influencers Group, LLC, a network for multicultural digital influencers, commissioned a powerful editorial campaign called “We Are Black History.” For the groundbreaking series, the top digital influencers recreated legendary photos of black history icons. Visually it's an amazingly powerful project.

“The #WeAreBlackHistory movement was created to honor our history and foster a sense of unity among powerful black women voices in the digital space,” says Lexi Felder. “Each influencer has a personal connection to the legend they’re paying tribute to. They were selected because they’re making a tangible impact and shaping our history with their words, actions, and images,” says Christina Brown. “In no way are we claiming to be the next iteration of these icons. We’re simply paying homage to them for the way they've inspired us in our careers and beyond,” says Jessica C. Andrews.

Check out the images below Via Style Influencers Group

Natural Hair Vlogger Taren Guy as Billie Holiday
Taren Guy as Billie Holiday
Huffington Post Fashion and Beauty Editor Julee Wilson-Wareham as Rosa Parks
Julee Wilson as Rosa Parks Senior Editor Jamilah Lemieux as Angela Davis
Jamilah Lemieux as Angela Davis
Kela’s Kloset Founder and TV Host Kela Walker as Coretta Scott-King
Kela Walker as Coretta Scott-King
Feminist Blogger and Activist Feminista Jones as Betty Shabazz
Feminista Jones as Betty Shabazz
Kela’s Kloset Founder and TV Host Kela Walker as Coretta Scott-King/Feminist Blogger and Activist Feminista Jones as Betty Shabazz
Feminista Jones and Kela Walker as Betty Shabazz and Coretta Scott-King
Glamazons Blog and Style Influencers Group Founder Jessica C. Andrews as Diahann Carroll
Jessica Andrews as Diahann Carroll
Lexi With The Curls and Style Influencers Group Founder Lexi Felder as Dorothy Dandridge
Lexi Felder as Dorothy Dandridge Hair and Beauty Editor Deena Campbell as Maya Angelou
Deena Campbell as Maya Angelou
LoveBrownSugar and Style Influencers Group Founder Christina Brown as Madame C.J. Walker
Christina Brown as Madame C.J. Walker
Styleblazer Senior Editor Danielle Kwateng as Bethann Hardison
Danielle Kwateng as Bethann Hardison
Designer Jessie Adore as Pearl Bailey
Jessie Adore as Pearl Bailey
For an in-depth look at this project, head to to read an exclusive memoir penned by co-founder Jessica C. Andrews. Also get some behind the scene pictures from the gallery on the Style Influencers Group website 

I had the pleasure of attending the book release party for Feminsita Jones first novel Push The Button.  A woman I have grown to admire in only a year of following her on twitter. She's an award winning writer, blogger, public speaker, activist, social worker, and mother, and although this night was about her novel, I was happy to be in the room with a woman, who loves women, and loves to encourage other woman to be successful and live their passion.

This was not an ordinary book release party, this was definitely an experience! The venue, which I'm sure was strategically picked, was an underground dungeon  with stone walls, drinks were flowing, and the room  was filled with beautiful people. There was a great Burlesque show, a lap dance contest for couples, Feminista Jones read passages from her book, and there also did a Q and A segment  where she gave her insight on her novel, the process of becoming a public figure, and many questions about body image,weight perception, sex and sexuality.

The book Push The Button which I read and love, gives a clear perspective of a healthy BDSM relationship. It's a great introduction to anyone who is curious about the life, and watching the path that two adults in love take within this lifestyle. There's an equal amount of sex and passion as their is love and admiration.

You may purchase this great book at Feminista Jones online shop, Feminsita Jones Books  and let's continue with supporting black art, business and media! 

By Queen 
Instagram: @TheQueenSpeaks_

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Oops! Oh My: 5 Reasons Every Woman Should Masturbate BlackDoctor.Org Writes 

Masturbation is typically an act more commonly known to be performed by men who need to relieve themselves of sexual tension, but this act of “petting” isn’t just one for the “boys”. In fact, female masturbation (or self-pleasuring) is a necessary discovery tool that every woman should adopt in her weekly routine.
Why is it a good idea for women to pleasure themselves regularly? Here are five reasons why every woman should “pet” herself.

1. Learn your sexual triggers
Sexual arousal can be a tricky thing, especially when it pertains to which areas of the vulva are the most sensitive and reactive in getting to the point of no return (the point of orgasm). By practicing self-pleasuring a woman can discover which areas of the vulva—lips, pubis mons, clitoral hood, clitoris vaginal opening—are most reactive during stimulation for sexual arousal. Learning sexual triggers is key in a woman’s ability to orgasm during sexual activity.
2. Experience an orgasm
It is a fact that over 70 percent of women do not experience an orgasm during penetrative sex, and this is partially due to the lack of clitoral stimulation provided during intercourse. Many women go through life believing they don’t have the ability to orgasm while others know the possibility is there yet never experience the euphoric experience of a climax. By using one’s hands or the assistance of vibrating accessories a woman can experience an orgasm and truly know what it is like to reach a peak during sex. Once an orgasm is experienced, she will never have to question this ability again.

3. Become aware of your states of arousal
There are several stages of arousal before reaching orgasm, and the vulva, vagina and entire body go through a range of changes. Masturbation is a great way to become aware of how the body changes and to know when an orgasm is on its way. Take the time to relax in a hot bath and explore.
4. Become comfortable with your sex parts
It’s shocking to hear about the number of women who have never touched their private parts let alone can recognize which parts are which. Practicing self-pleasuring is a great way for a woman to become comfortable with herself and to unify with her sexual anatomy. It is important to know the difference between the vagina and the urethra and to know the placement of the clitoris (the clitoris plays a central role in female arousal and orgasm). The key component to great sex is knowing thyself, and there is no better way for a woman to know herself than to explore her nether regions with love.
5. Bring your body into balance
Having an orgasm brings balance to the body by releasing endorphins, balancing hormones, relieving pain, lowers stress and reduces anxiety amongst other benefits. Reduce stress at the end of the day by setting aside a period of time to incorporate deep breathing and masturbation.
 Getting past the shame of pleasuring self requires for one to get out of her own head and come into the realization that she is an adult that is allowed to explore HER body. Be happy, be free and be unashamed!

Definitely the only performance worth watching at last night Grammy awards!! Backed by strings and a choir, and introduced by Beyoncé-gone-gospel, the Academy Award-nominated duo performed their civil rights opus for a global televised audience of tens of millions just two weeks before they perform at the #WhiteOscars, where Ava DuVernay’s Best Picture-nominated Martin Luther King Jr. biopic is otherwise shut out of the majority of nominations.

The timely single was born when DuVernay tapped Common, who plays activist James Bevel in the film, to pen a theme song for Selma.  He called Legend, with whom he’d previously collaborated on 2010’s socially-conscious "Wake Up Everybody." and the result was this great powerful song. 

Ladies, don’t psych yourself outta your health! I hear so many people say “Ewww that’s nasty” about foods they have NEVER tasted. I say expand your horizons girl, 90% of food we perceive as nasty likely tastes great! Did you know just about very meal your granny threw down on could be made healthy and just as good? Well…Chitterlings are the exception.

Lets start off with ground turkey; it is nothing to stick your nose up at! When cooked and seasoned properly it can taste better than a Big Mac! Think about it like this, steak is to ground beef as turkey is to ground turkey, same concept except ground turkey is significantly healthier for you! Another thing to consider, every 20 something that is ‘thick wit it’ has to realize that eventually all that fried food is going to eventually ‘stick wit you’!

Cardiovascular disease is the NUMBER ONE killer of African American women; it claims the lives of more women than all cancers combined. One mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, or wife dies every minute due to heart disease. Ladies, I’m going to let that sink in. By the way, February is also American Heart Month; learn the signs of heart attack and stroke at

We all know that Black don’t Crack, but if we want to live long enough to see that happen we’ve got to start taking responsibility for our health! I don’t think Jada Pinkette Smith, Angela Basset, or Sanaa Lathan is frying chicken every week, or drinking pop (or soda) everyday, and they sure aren’t smashing peach cobbler every Sunday. These women drink water everyday, eat healthy meals, and are physically active. I know we’re all busy, but if we could all take 20-30 minutes of our day and just walk that would actually be a huge help!

I love eating… I love it! But since I am hereditary at risk for diabetes and cancer (6 family members with diabetes, 5 family members with cancer) I've got to take action and so do you! Since I do love to eat and want to eat healthier I started to learn how to make those meals my granny cooked with a healthy twist on it. Ladies if you want to stick around to see your kids graduate from college, see your grand kids, live a healthy full diva-licious life we got to do better and it starts with YOU! Be the influence in your family to make change!

In closing I want you all to know that you’re a Queen your life and legacy matters!

To get you started on a new healthier path I’m going to share with you my FAVE meal of all time: chicken wings, greens, and yams!



Clean sweet potatoes, wrap in foil and place on a baking sheet. Bake sweet potatoes in oven on 400 degrees for about an hour to an hour and a half, or until soft. Remove from oven and let cool. Once cooled remove potato skins and place in a large bowl. Add honey, cinnamon, and a ¼ tablespoon of salt. Stir until well incorporated, for an extra bit of zest you can add about a teaspoon of lemon juice.
Rinse off chicken wings and place in a bowl or large zip lock bag, drizzle with olive oil and add paprika, chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, honey, and salt and pepper. Stir until all the chicken wings are coated. Place in oven at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes (I like mine a little brown as you can see, lol).
In a large pot on medium heat drizzle 1-tablespoon olive oil, put chopped onions and garlic in and sauté them down. Clean greens, roll and cut into strips or pieces (how every you cut your greens is fine), place in pot and let sizzle for 3-5 minutes. Then add in 3 cups of water, cover and let cook for 10 minutes. Add in 2 tablespoons of salt and ½ tablespoon of pepper to taste, cover again and let cook an additional 45 minutes.

Now realize you just cooked a healthy delicious meal your mamma would be proud of, and you only used 2 tablespoons of oil and 2 ½ tablespoons of salt! Oh, and your man will probably love this meal as well…

Once everything is cooked, you know what to do!

If you’d like more information on cooking and eating healthier please check out my blog or follow me on IG and Twitter: @afewhungrygirls, I can be emailed questions at! Also, if your seeking a dietary lifestyle change (NOT a diet), please read the “Cut the Crap” tab on my blog!

By Ray B -Ms Vixen Contributor

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