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Consent is so not Black and white. It should be Black and white 'cause no means no and yes means yes but, many people get ''confused'' about ''blurry lines'' so here's a cheat sheet to help.
1. Consent can be revoked at any given time. (WHAT?!!!) I know, it's a tough pill to swallow but grab a glass of water to help it go down. Consent can be revoked at any given time, even when you're two seconds away from entering your partner or.....when you're already inside of your partner. (WHAT??!!) More water baby, drink more water, it'll go down.
But seriously, consent can be revoked at any given time so always keep this token of info in mind.
Read more about sex:Lets Talk About Masturbation.
2. What is the extent of the consent? Always ask yourself this question! Consent for one activity doesn't mean consent for all activities. Do not make assumptions regarding their level of comfort. Strong communication (there goes that word again) before, during, and after is KEY to establishing the rules of consent.
NOW. For the people out there who insist that some people don't like constant talking, they just like for you to TAKE IT. Hey, I hear you. There are total people in the world who get turned on by their partner GOING IN FOR IT. But, that percentage of people is not the entire population of the world, therefore, it is better to be safe than to be sorry. It is better to tick off one partner by communicating their consent than to be facing a rape charge for assuming consent. Or to have your partner feeling taken advantage of. Right ? Weigh in those emotions (to be upset at consideration or to be raped from lack of communication?) Hmmm.....
I'd suggest discussing sex before hand. It can be a totally fun and flirty conversation. I am one of those people who doesn't like being asked if I'm in the mood for sex because I am AWKWARD and I'll feel like it's a test(HA!) so I prefer being surprised. So if we're already intimate, in order to ensure confidence and prevent him asking, I let my partner know, ''please just go for it. the answer is yes!''. If we aren't intimate yet ...I'll perhaps start a conversation about some article I read regarding consent and ask their opinion, ''So I read this interesting article about this woman in Sweden...''. And from there I'll lead it into our own personal comfort levels and how we establish consent! Yay!
Trick Question: If a woman/man accepts an invite over, what do you think?
3. If you have to guess, call it a rain check! Say it again. If you have to guess, call it a rain check. RAIN CHECK! This is where the lines get real slippery ya'll because assumptions run HIGH. If drinks or any other substance that causes incoherence is involved, WALK AWAY FROM THE SITUATION. And do not perpetuate this situation. Do not buy someone a multitude of drinks with the intent of seduction once sloppy. You're a rapist. You're not charming or manipulative or cunning or playing a game or playing the rules or any of that. You are a rapist. Do not listen to the songs or watch the movies that claim this is normal behavior. It's not. It's rape.
4. Be mindful of the thin line between persuasion and pressuring. It's one thing to be flirty, it's another thing to make someone uncomfortable or compromise their feeling of security. Don't make people feel they HAVE TO have sex because of x,y,z. I don't care if you spent $300 on a meal or flew them into Japan. It still falls back to communication. Spending money is not synonymous with obtaining consent. A date gives you consent to my time, not my body!
ANSWER TO TRICK QUESTION: Unless ya'll both have already consented to sex going down, do not assume consent! Take it for what it is: an acceptance of an invite over! And remember rules 1-4 when in these situations.
Nonetheless, consent isn't sexy or optional. It's mandatory. Say it with me ya'll. #IAmASexualBeing
Patriana Jones is a 22 year old actress, writer, and entrepreneur. She hosts a popular community forum called Keeping It Candid in Los Angeles that focuses on taboo/controversial topics. You can follow her series "Cheat Codes To A Great Sex Life" where she posts a daily "tip" on her Facebook and look out for her upcoming book, "Taboo Talker" that will launch this summer.
Check out the rest of her, Cheat Codes To A Great Sex Life, on her Facebook
Follow her Instagram for more of her work as well @patrianajones and @wekeepitcandid