Tuesday, May 14, 2013
You meet a man, you date him for a while and you feel this connection that you want to grow into a committed monogamous relationship, He seems on the same page but when you ask about sealing the deal, or labeling your relationship, he hits you with this." We have a lot of fun, and you're a cool woman but....." Followed by some bull shit that's not what you what to hear right now. Don't make excuses for him or try to negotiate the why's and how's. Just accept that you have been friend zoned or reduced to a cool friend with benefits.
Now, if you are a woman who is expecting more, and looking for something with a more solid foundation and a label, this is your time to cut your losses early and move one, if you don't want to get hurt. Believe what he says, because it’s exactly what he means. The friend zone isn't always bad, in some cases relationships build from friendships, but this is more effective in a non sexual friend. Like most of our mothers used to say "Why buy the cow if you're getting it for free?" Also the friend zone happens to everyone at some point, so don't feel as if it is something you have done to get there. Just understand that there is nothing you can do to change that he doesn't want a relationship with you. That's for him to figure out not you, so try your best not to internalize this.
There is a cause for concern if you continuously fall into the friends with benefits zone. Why are you only good enough for sex and not commitment? I would assume this is based on your actions as a woman (like I said, ASSUME, fall back please). You have somehow sent a message that that's all you require, and if that isn't the case then you have to reexamine your approach to dating. There are instances where having sex with no strings attached are ideal, but if you are actively dating and look for companionship, than this is not something to be okay with. Of course, I can't diagnosed what the issue is for every woman, but it's important to have these conversations with men early on, let them know exactly what your intentions are, and don't have sex unless it seems you two are going in that direction. Also look at his actions, because honestly men will tell you anything. Is he attentive, does he call; does he remember things about you? Think about how you are when you are really into a man, and when you are not, do his actions mirror any one of these?
Ladies, just be clear about what you want, and don't want from the beginning of any dating situation and stick to it. There are many men in this world so, don't get stuck on one. I had a friend say to me last week "Every man I date it's greater and greater, could you imagine how dope 'The One' is going to be!" Greatest dating advice I've gotten in a long time, so, I’m passing it on to my Vixens. Date cautiously but keep an open mind, because that dope guy is out there.
By Naima "Queen" Muhammad Twitter @TheQueenSpeaks_
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
4/30/2013 No comments
I know I've been slacking with posting articles lately, and I apologize from the bottom of my beautiful big heart. My absence isn't due to anything bad; my life is lovely right now. It is difficult leading this one women army of mine, and although every writer that contributed to the greatness of Ms. Vixen online magazine is loved and appreciated. I do most of this by myself, web design, editing, pictures. I do it all on my lonesome. I love it all, nothing like working hard doing something you love. Speaking to the soul of women is my passion and I will continue
So, what has kept me from my lovely Vixens? Other personal projects; I have opened an online accessory story. We sell very cute bags, jewelry and leggings. Please indulged as much as possible! www.missyboutique.biz here's a sample of what is being sold.
I'm also working as a co-host for SDworldvision.com Full Deck Radio show, a show where we show music videos, plus I give my insight on pop culture, music and anything else I have an opinion on! Make sure to check us out, every Tuesday 6-8pm eastern. Here's our last show.
We'll there you have it; I’ll be back on it. Talking to women's souls expanding our thoughts on what it is to be a woman, and get to the root of us loving us. We're the mothers of the world; let’s make it better one lady at a time.
By: Naima "Queen" Muhammad @queen_naima
Thursday, March 28, 2013
As a woman in my late 20's my search for the right life partner has met many twist and turns, and has even had me engulfed in extreme happiness and pain. I blogged sometime last year about being a single childless women (Single and Childless) and my challenges with peoples perception of my life and dating. Through time my list of want I want in a man, what I expect and deserve from him has changed constantly as I've evolved as a woman. With every scribble, edit, and adjustment to my list one thing has remained the same. He must be childless. I don't care if I sound selfish, but I always felt that, that's an experience for me and my husband to share for the first time together. To be blunt, I want to be his number one. I don't want to be second to the mother of his child, or his other children. This is how I've always felt and this will never change.
This has become harder and harder for me to attain as I get older, I come in more contact with single fathers. I've dated a few, but never had anything serious because I always knew this would be an issue. When I was younger I would say things like "If he has a child, that's someone else in his pockets before me." Yeah, very basic of me, but now that has changed into someone else, having first place in his heart. Yes, I am woman enough to understand that is his family, that's his past relationship, and I used to think until recently it has nothing to do with me and how I feel. I know myself enough to know what I can endure and what I can not. Through my evolution with love and relationships I do know that a man with his own family has a large affect on me, and weighs heavily on my heart. His frustration with the mother of his child can carry over into our relationship, especially, if he doesn't know how to incorporate both situations in to his life without making these two important women in his life not feel inadequate.
I've never experienced any "baby mamma drama" but that's mostly because I've never had long serious relationships with men with children, and to be honest, I would do my best to stay out of it. Yet, I’m learning that it seems a bit easier with men with older children. They seem to have worked out the kinks, and he and the mother of their child have usually come to some sort of mutual comradeship. There's no right answer or correct way to go about this situation. I do know if you are women like me who doesn't feel she'll get all of her man as she would like, stay away, and remain loyal to your heart and peace of mind, and don’t feel ashamed to feel that way. Nurture yourself first before you even think about nurturing another person or his family.
By: Naima Muhammad Twitter: @Queen_Naima
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
|Photo Credit: Zimbio.com|
The 25 year old reality star who also studied at the Fashion Institute of Technology, announced the debut of her signature collection Angela Simmons By Angela Simmons on her website yesterday, with a short video showing off some of her collections pieces.
"I’m so excited to share the first video for my Angela by Angela Simmons collection. I've always wanted to create a fashion line and it’s finally happening. Check out a sneak peek of my collection." -Angela Simmons
The remix of Mary J. Blige's 'Real Love' gives the video a good twist.
We aren't sure of the prices, but as told to Global Grind "It is stuff you can wear for a long time. I think it is important to create fashion that is really fashionable, yet still affordable," There's no information as to when the line will be released to the public, but we are definitely going to keep you informed.
Let us know what you think by commenting below.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Unless you live under a rock, I am sure you have either heard, or you have heard about Beyonce's new single Bow Down. I'm not going to talk about whether I like the song or not (I don't) and why I don't Like it (It's dumb) I just want to talk about how I’m tired of being called a bitch in music. I don't like when men do, but should I be okay when women do it?
It makes me wonder, am I a prude because I still cringe when I hear the word Bitch? Yes, I curse and I’m far from a person who doesn't say what’s on my mind, and if you follow me on twitter or know me in real life, I hardly have a filter but what I do have is a respect for people. I actually do try to watch what I call people, even in anger. Ask anyone one I've ever argued or had beef with. I don't call them out their name or even take jabs at their ego. I address my issue with them and keep it moving.
As a writer, and avid shit talker, I know the power of words and language but here is where I reach my dilemma. Is it okay to disrespect me if it's on a hot beat? Like most women are, I am guilty of this, and I have to admit some of the best songs to dance to be ones that disrespect and degrade women. Lord knows I was on the dance floor, when the Ying Yang Twins told me to give it to them" 'til the sweat dripped down their balls". Yet if a man said that to me while walking down the street there would definitely be a problem. How do we as women determine, and decide what is okay, and how is the correct way to treat us? Until we figure that out I guess we'll continue to Bow Down, to Beyonce' as she politely calls us bitches.
Here's the track
By Naima Muhammad @Queen_Naima
Friday, March 15, 2013
Your 20's. It’s supposed to be your wonder years, a time of self discovery, and to figure out your life and your goals? My early 20's I was so completely sure of what I wanted to do with my life. Graduate with a bachelor's in Psychology, become a certified marriage therapist. I would marry my boyfriend and be starting a family.
Fast forward to mid 20's aka the big 25. What the fuck happened?! I am no where I thought I would be. One day I am celebrating my 21st birthday and the next thing you know adulthood is smacking me in the face with reality. Where is my first house I pictured myself getting ready to move into? Why was there no wedding I thought I would have by now? Where in my degree that should be hanging on my beautifully decorated living room? We all have this expectation of where we should be mine were unrealistic but I was dreaming big! Why couldn't I have it all? Our goals are often times tainted by where society says we should be. Making about 40k a year, starting a career, and starting a family, all these ideas are programmed into our head but why? Why do we feel like of we have to have these things before a certain age?
If I told my 21 year old self where I would be at 25 she would laugh. How could the girl with so many plans not have one work out as expected? Life happened and now I start to panic. One day riding the subway I had an realization, I was lost. Not physically lost but lost because for the first time in my life I had no idea what I wanted to do. Sure I have a job that pays decent but I don't want to work at a "job" forever. Growing up I saw my Dad working this job, it payed decent wasn't super stressful and helped him take care of home, but its not his passion and at the end of the day he'd much rather be doing something he loved. So I told myself whatever I decided to do in my future career I want to love. I don't want to spend the rest of my days wishing I pursued something else ANYTHING else.
So, here I am 25. Do I have a house? Nope, I’m still living with my dad. Did I get my degree? Nope. Am I married? Not yet, but maybe some day real soon. Booming career I love? Not even close. I will tell you what I do have! Although I'm no where near in my own home, but I’m moving into my own place this summer, it’s an exciting experience. Not married but in a committed relationship with a man I love. I don't have a degree but I can always go back. I have friends who I love and family that is awesome! All and all I'll say I'm not doing too bad. Do I know what I want to do career wise? I have no fucking clue, but I will take my time and figure it out. After all it is my life and I move to the beat of my own drum.
Take that quarter life crisis!
By Electa Johnson
Check out her blog also, Love, Sex and R&B
To be with her or not to be with her, that's the question I ask myself when I'm really into a woman I'm dating. Things seem to be going good, so, do I want to continue or just keep assuming things will go sour due to past and surrounding failing relationships? Truth is every, woman is different, so I remain open minded when getting to know somebody new, even if there are moments when I feel like I've already "been there, done that" and refuse to do it again.
It takes more then your physical appearance to get me. Yes, your body may gain my attention, but it is your personality and intellect that keeps it. See, I like a challenge, someone that'll not necessarily play hard to get but make the pursuit worth it. I've had my share of one night stands, but truth be told I'm kind of old school. Once I meet a girl, I'd rather talk on the phone and hang out a little so we can get a feel on one another before we go hit the sheets. It doesn't matter if we're both just looking for something or somebody meaningless and for the moment, but as for looking for a spouse we'd have to pace ourselves. I'm not really one to judge but let’s be real... if I JUST met you Tuesday and we have sex by Friday, chances are I'm not going to take you that serious. I'm going to automatically assume that you're always this easy. Yes I may be wrong, but you didn't give me much reason to believe otherwise because if I got you in beds in less then a week imagine what I could get in a month.
Then there are times when women hold out on sex, which is very confusing. I was in a relationship where everything started out great; we both were extremely attracted to one another. We would go out every chance we had and always trying something new/fun in the bedroom (role playing, trying new positions, etc.) After a while I started to since a change, things went from fewer intimate moments to damn near none at all. Naturally her with-draw from having sex began to raise all sorts of questions in my mind. Is she no longer turned on, is there someone else, am I too much or not enough for her? After giving things some thought and time, I approached her to see what the deal was. She told me she currently wasn't happy in her life, she recently got laid off from work among st a few other things. We decided it was best to part ways so she can focus on her life and getting herself together. I understood and respected where she came from, but I just wish she kept that line of communication open and maybe things would've played out differently. I don't have any ill feelings toward her, I wish her the best.
Moral of the story, never lower your standards to raise somebody else's. When it comes to relationships, it takes 2 to make things work. Just because your last experience was bad doesn't mean the next will be and just because you want things to work doesn't mean they will. Meeting people is apart of life, the impact they leave or lack there of is on you. Always go with the flow, you rush things they won't last and if you allow someone to play you for a fool then you have to blame yourself not others.
By Kevin Harris
Saturday, March 2, 2013
We’re infamous for “trying to change men”. The way they tell it, a woman’s sole intention upon meeting a man is: to fall for him, love everything about him and then, shortly after, begin to incessantly try changing everything about him. Contrary to common belief, the incidences of this happening aren't as numerous as you would think. New ideologies have emerged that challenge this stereotype. Spanning from “you can’t train what momma done raised” (cultural) to “love is steadfast and unchanging” (biblical), discourse about the subject varies greatly. That being said; there has been an emergence of sorts, a new kind of lady that understands this dynamic and has decided to take a backseat in the trans-formative journey that is: a man’s change… (Last part of the sentence said in a highly dramatic voice).
The problem starts with what men and women define as change. “She’s trying to change the way I dress”, complains John to his friends. They think “she’s changed since she’s been around that Shelia chic”. In actuality, since you guys have moved in together it seems like you’ve rotated the same 2 sweatshirts and pajama pants... Before The Living Situation changed, she wasn’t seeing you so often and you changed outfits, and may have even kept up the showering thing more avidly because of the chance for date-sex. To a woman, changing how you dress is NOT a big deal; we change how we dress every season! Then the “duration of change” as I like to call it, becomes a factor. This is when guys start in with “it’s never enough, she just keeps trying to change every little thing about me”. This happens when said “change” was spoken about, agreed upon, and maybe even began being implemented. Who knows? But a woman wakes up ever so often and has an ‘inventory day’. And on inventory day, she assesses her life, her goals, her dreams, her fantasies, her next moves all over again…. And no it’s not the one week a month always brought up when us “chics get the thinking”. During that inventory, we realize “hmm, this product on my shelf was projected to go up a notch but here it still is”. Now this is the important part fellas. This is the only time a female becomes supernaturally logical and goes into business mode (before motherhood of course). Intrinsically, there is a need to find out why you haven’t stopped buying 800 dollar bikes and toy planes, and saved; why you haven’t taken her out of a 4 year engagement to you and made her your wife yet, why you haven’t ever stopped dealing with the guy who ratted on you and almost got you fired, stopped going with the goons to the same bar in New Rochelle like you haven’t been locked up enough times there…. But enough of that. The point is; if you don’t ever complete one task, all the others will seem enormous. We don’t see it as anything big because every Man, being bothered by a woman or not, should be conducting their own version of this “inventory”. An ambitious man will always see the room for growth; a stagnant soul will be content with things that a woman may realize is not worth room on the shelf. Innately though, many women will try to work with you through hell and high water… as long as they see that change. When weighed beside how much you want a woman to “hold it down” for/with you, is the act of change really that big of a deal?
Change is inevitable. Like it or not, men will change. It is a necessary and natural part of growth, development, and evolution. Women come into problems when they try to hurry things along. We are enthused about the outcome; enough to stick around for it, like diehard fans in a rainy football game or parade goers in a New Years Eve blizzard. Worse if a woman loves you and believes in you, she has already envisioned how unbelievably amazing your full potential reached, will be. Ladies: that is the nurturing instinct which we have. However, when I became a mother, I understood how fully that nurture needs to be preserved for our children and not for grown men. By the time many women become mothers, they are already jaded by failed attempts at raising the quality of life for herself and the man in her life. You will notice I mention becoming a mother quite a bit but other milestones in a woman’s life will radically change what it takes to gain her interest, keep her interested, and keep her content. Truth is, men don’t experience change in that same way. If pizza made him the happiest in 7th grade, chances are, this Friday he will opt for pizza. Starting with puberty, females begin to experience ‘changes’ before their male counterparts and will adjust to accommodate these changes more often than them. We embrace the idea of changes because we must.
Bottom line folks: People can’t change others, they can only change themselves. Fall in love with a person, not the fantasy of who that person can possibly be or become. Exerting effort into trying to change someone is futile, because people make the decision to change on their own and rarely respond to outside stimuli. Either meets people with whom you are completely satisfied and will only ever be such, or decide to stick with a person through whatever changes may come and have no expectations about that change.
By Mika Douglas
Monday, February 25, 2013
Last night the worlds leading ladies hit the red carpet for the 2013 Academy Awards. The carpet was graced with many women in nice metallic shine, soft nudes, bold colors and some even did the unthinkable, and they wore red! I was going to do the tradition best and worst dressed list, but I thought it'll be much better to have your input so I went to Instagram and let our thousands of followers pick which were dope, and which was a nope.
Always a red carpet favorite, Instagram Vixen's picked Halle Berry in Versace. I definitely agree this was my pick for best dressed also.
|Kelly Rowland Designer Unkown|
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Dear, Lil Kim
I remember being in middle school sneaking and listening to your Hardcore album at my childhood friends house. We would listen at her house because there was no way I could ever listen to Lil Kim's music on my own. All the things I wasn't supposed to know about sex, or being proud of about sex, you rapped about, and although even at 13 I was never okay with the objectifying of women I admired you. I admired the fact that you stood among men with your head up, unashamed of your body, good looks or the power of your vagina. I was the big breast girl who wore baggy clothes, mostly because my mother made me, but partly because the way boys and even men would act when they were visible through my clothing. It would make me slightly ashamed about something I couldn't change about myself. It's annoying and a little traumatic to hear adults tell you all the time, "cover them things up" or telling me, I'm asking for the wrong kind of attention simply because my breast were large, as if I did something wrong. I was just being me. Isn't it the men that gawk in awe that are being offensive, and not me?
I saw a women, who was proud of her body and sexuality and before you, that was unheard of to me. That is what spoke to me about you. You made me feel a little less awkward about my body. It was either you were a good girl or a hoe, no in between. I knew that women had to like sex, but before you no one really talked about it as candidly as you did. No one was as risky with their wardrobe as you either. I know, now everyone is wearing a leotard on stage, but before Lady Gaga or Beyonce you came on stage with a purple pasty. I'll admit that’s too risky for me, but I admired the bravery and will to do whatever the hell it is you wanted. Basically saying, “fuck you, I'm going to do me.” Then I run into this picture on twitter and my feelings were literally hurt.
Who is this? What is this? This can't be the Queen B, who rapped about sex and her body with confidence when I was a teenager. Doesn't confidence exude loving who you are? I am not for plastic surgery personally, but I'm not against a little nip and tuck either. But, Lil Kim what the hell did you do to your face? You look like an Asian woman, which I only find horrible because you were born a black woman. This new face is cry for help, and I knew through your music you concentrated on the superficial, the outside instead of the inside, but I never would of thought it ran this deep. How could the woman who gave me a feeling of security with my own body, hate hers so much? How did you get here Kimberly Denise Jones?
Naima 'Queen' Muhammad Twitter @Queen_Naima
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Beyonce' turned the super bowl out tonight! With a medley of her hits, outstanding dance moves and lovely voice. Even with lots of lights and affects the shinning moment was when Kelly Rowland and Michele Williams, her former group members from Destiny's Child graced the stage.
Here's the performance in case you missed it, or if you're just like me and want to watch it over and over while wearing a leotard and platform pumps. . . . .please don't judge me.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Before you decide to splurge and spend your whole tax refund check on some new shoes, that fur coat or that Brazilian hair you've been eyeing, smart money decisions should be taken into account even if this is extra money. Here are a few suggestions to spend your extra cash but not waste it.
Start or increase your emergency fund. Just one piece of surprising bad news can send you on a debt spiral. Having an emergency fund can help soften the blow on a sudden tragedy. Experts say this fund should be about six to eight months worth of savings in a easily accessible interest bearing account. Saving should be a no-brainer, so instead of spending it all and wondering where it all went in a few months, save it. Open an individual IRA, a money market account or maybe even an online savings account with a company like ING.
Pay off Debt. Use this as a platform to start your debt elimination program. of choice and paying off any payday loans, title loans, debt consolidation loans, high-interest private student loans, car loans, and of course credit card debt.
Start a business. Have you been looking for seed money to take your business to the next level? Do you have a venture that you want to start? You can use your refund to get you moving in the right direction. It’s a great opportunity to turn your refund into income for years to come, and get a few more small business tax deductions next year too.
By Naima Muhammad Twitter @Queen_Naima
|Photo Credit: Huffington Post|
The late mayor was known for taking New York City out of near bankruptcy in the late 70's -80's. He also received negative reviews for his lack of support for minority and Gay New Yorkers. According to the Huffington post, the Rev. Al Sharpton said in a statement that although they disagreed on many things, Koch "was never a phony or a hypocrite. He would not patronize or deceive you. He said what he meant. He meant what he said. He fought for what he believed. May he rest in peace."